On Marriage, Identity, and the One Who called you by name

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So today’s post is by my dear friend Sid from Ottawa, Ontario. Sid Sudiacal is a great source of encouragement and laughter in my life, and I consider him among my top “life” friends. Today, he and I are doing some cross-blogging, as he likes to call it. He is posting my entry on his blog, and I am posting his here.

We are blogging on marriage and singleness and how we both as Christians are dealing with our own situations. I have to be honest: when I read his blog, I wanted to weep. I wanted to weep because his situation isn’t fair. I wanted to weep because good people should get what they want. But most of all, I wanted to weep because for so long we have defined people in relation to their marital situation rather than as individuals specially made by God. So. Have a read….

On Marriage, Identity, and the One Who called you by name

I’m not going to lie. It’s hard to think about marriage without having a tinge of bitterness and despair. It’s difficult not to feel some sort of jealousy when I hear “We’re getting married!” For once, I want to be the one saying those words. As happy as I am for my friends who get engaged, it is difficult not to somehow think that my singleness is a divine punishment. I have seen so many of my friends fall in love, get married and have kids. Some even have more than one! And yet here I am, still single, no romantic prospect, and alone.

There comes a point when you start wondering if there is something inherently wrong with you. Am I too picky? Am I looking for a girl who doesn’t exist in real life? Am I ugly? Am I just not attractive enough for the opposite sex? What am I doing wrong? Basically, what the hell is wrong with me?

And then you have friends who tell you that you’re great. They tell you that you’re wonderful. In fact, you are a catch and that some day (in a far distant future perhaps), some woman will be really lucky to have me as a husband. I thank God for my friends and their encouraging words. It is a reminder that maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am. But in some ways, it unintentionally opens up another can of worms. If I’m so great as what you are telling me I am, then why am I still single? Suddenly, the words that were meant to encourage you become nothing but more fodder for my insecurities.

As if that’s not bad enough, there’s the whole societal pressure to get married. I can graduate with honours from both my undergrad and Masters program and still be considered as unsuccessful because I’m not married and have no kids. Parents who tirelessly complain about the fact that I’m single and that they want some grandkids soon. Honestly, it can get too much. I end up feeling like I’m a huge failure and that no one will ever love me. My life is rendered meaningless and every day is filled with burden and sorrow.

Yet, I keep on going even though I yearn for nothing more than to escape the shackles of this mortal realm that imprisons my soul and prevents it from soaring into heavenly heights. I keep on going because the Lover of my soul reminds me that I am His and He is mine. He tells me that I am the apple of His eye and that He delights in me. He tells me that I am good enough. I admit that the voices of death by myself and my family, friends, and society at large are so loud that it’s hard to hear the still, small voice of my Creator. It is a constant struggle to silence the screams and listen to His whisper.

So I remain ever faithful and vigilant to guard my heart. I know that He makes all things beautiful in His time. I just wish that would happen sooner rather than later.

———

Sid Sudiacal is an energetic and passionate individual who is committed to the pursuit of wisdom. He loves singing, writing, social media, and long walks on the beach. He is currently living in Ottawa, Canada where he spends his time pondering life’s deepest questions. 

t: @coolaquarius

f:  Pensées By Sid

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2 thoughts on “On Marriage, Identity, and the One Who called you by name

  1. Joanna

    Thanks for sharing this, Sid. I can totally relate! (Been there…still there…). Recently, I came close to finally meeting someone only to be snubbed and rejected (was probably spared heartache). Drawing closer to my Lord has helped me keep perspective…I press on. Keep pressing on, Sid! 🙂

    Reply
  2. annabachinsky

    Love this! It’s so good to have friends that encourage us, but there are moments when I have a hard time believing them. If I’m such a “great” catch for some special guy out there then why isn’t anyone pursuing me? People don’t just let something “great” pass them by. And yet that’s how I feel so often… just passed by without too much of a glance. Or sometimes I get the “glance”… and I still get passed by. Which makes me question how “great” I am after all.

    But like you said, what’s most important is finding our identity and worth in Christ. Once we do we won’t be waiting for a change in our relationship status or last name to make us feel like we are worth something in this world. 🙂 Great post!

    Reply

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